


Real

by winterfirehair



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Menstruation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, The boys being supportive, Trans Male Character, Trans Victor Criss, poly bowers gang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterfirehair/pseuds/winterfirehair
Summary: Frustrated and on his period, Victor has a breakdown. His boyfriends are there to help.
Relationships: Henry Bowers/Victor Criss, Henry Bowers/Victor Criss/Patrick Hockstetter/Reginald "Belch" Huggins, Victor Criss/Patrick Hockstetter, Victor Criss/Reginald "Belch" Huggins
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	Real

"Fuck this shit!"

Enraged, Victor slams the door of his closet shut. It's hard enough to make it jump right open again, and the noise it makes is loud enough for the other boys - excluding Patrick - to flinch slighty. It's not often that the blond gets this angry. Usually, he's the silent type, even during a fight when Henry likes to scream and Patrick is often laughing hysterically.

Right now however, the blond is far from being as calm and collected as he usually is. Instead, he punches the closet door when it jumps open again, hard enough for the skin on his knuckles to break. It hurts, and seeing the blood is enough for him to feel hot, angry tears well up in his eyes. Not because of the injury - he's had far worse than that - but because the blood is another trigger for him, reminds him that right now he's bleeding into a pad securely taped into his underwear. Which is what probably makes him more emotional than usual.

"Fuck it...", he sobs, closing the door for good now with another loud bang.

Wrapping his arms around his body, he sinks down onto the floor, dressed in nothing more than a pair of boxers over his slip and a tight sports bra that barely allows him to breathe properly. He can feel his ribs straining underneath, and the tissue he tries to flatten with the bra hurts a lot, being a lot more sensitive at this time of the month. He feels disgusting. Everything about him feels disgusting. He can't even look at himself in the mirror, only seeing those things that are faulty in his eyes, that are not supposed to be there, but he can't do anything against it. He can't get rid of his long eyelashes, he can't get rid of his breasts, he can't do anything against the soft layer of fat roundening his hips into a female shape. Growing out his body hair hadn't helped and he had soon gone back to shaving his legs and his armpits and even that thing between his legs even though he doesn't like to touch himself there. Everything he does about his body just feels wrong and he can't take it any longer.

Reginald, Henry and Patrick exchange glanzes, unsure how to act around their boyfriend. Vic's had emotional breakdowns before, for the same reason, but it's always overwhelming to see him like this, crumbling underneath the pressure. It is Reginald who moves, kneeling on the floor next to the blond, but not touching him. He knows that Vic can't take it right now.

"Vic.", he says softly. "Baby. It's going to be okay."

"It's not. Nothing is okay and nothing's gonna be okay. I'm a fucking freak."

"You're not a freak.", Henry speaks up before Reginald can. His voice is trembling, a clear sign that he has to swallow down his anger right now. Not that he's angry at Victor - he knows his boyfriend isn't the one at fault here, he's rather angry that his beautiful boy can have any thoughts like that, that he's able to cry because of these thoughts. He hates Vic's low self-esteem and his depression, he's angry about those dark thoughts that keep on giving the blond a hard time.

"What else do you want to call me then?!"

Vic lifts his head to look up at Henry, rage and hurt written over his face. Tears are glistening in his eyes that are already red-rimmed. He's not used to crying. He barely cries, swallows his emotions rather then letting them out. He hates crying. It makes his eyes burn and the tears cause his skin to become itchy, not to mention the fact that his eyes stay red and puffy for hours afterwards.

"Hot as fuck?", Patrick offers from his position on Vic's bed, but the look the blond sends him makes him shut up right away. Now's not the time and even Hockstetter gets that.

Reginald is more careful with his words.

"You are you, Vic. And you are beautiful. I know you don't see it, but we do."

"Yeah, sure.", the blond scoffs, but Reginald doesn't let himself be irritated by that reaction.

"You're our boyfriend -"

"I'm not a fucking boy!"

Again, the blond starts screaming. It's full of frustration, of hate and hurt.

"How can you even see me as a boy! Look at me! It got tits, no matter what I do, they are there! And you know exactly what's between my legs! I got a fucking pussy, and it's fucking bleeding because I'm on my fucking period! So how the fuck am I your boyfriend!?"

Patrick looks like he wants to comment on Vic's words, but then he decides otherwise. He's pretty sure that the younger would claw his face off if he dared to mention again how hot he thinks Vic is. It's not what he wants or needs to hear right now.

"It doesn't matter if you got tits or what's between your legs. Some boys got those. So what. You still kick fucking ass."

Henry simply isn't good with words, but it's enough to get a small chuckle out of Vic, who rubs the tears from his eyes. It leaves a bloody stain from his bruised knuckles, but he doesn't care about that right now.

Reginald finally lays his hand on Victor's shoulder, gently squeezing it. When the blond accepts his touch, he opens his arms.

"Come here, baby."

Vic hesitates for a moment. He's still disgusted with himself. His face is sticky, and his abdomen hurts with period cramps that are almost strong enough to make him whimper. He hates himself so much. All of this is wrong.

"Nothing about you is wrong.", Reginald says softly, as if he had read his thoughts. Then again, they all know what he's thinking of himself at the moment.

"You are our boy. Our beautiful boyfriend. And we love you, just the way you are."

The blond says nothing, but he crawls into Reggie's arms at least, curling into the other boys warmth and taking a deep breath. It's uncomfortable on the floor like this, but at the same time Reginald makes him feel safe and at home.

"I don't get it. I don't get it how you can accept this."

His voice is barely a whisper now, but he's slowly calming down, relaxing as Reginald gently strokes his bleached hair while holding him against his chest.

"We love you, baby boy. It really is that simple."

Vic sighs at Reggie's words, biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. It's hard to simply accept the words, to not overthink and doubt the statement, even when Henry kneels down in front of him to just gently take his chin between his fingers and place a soft kiss on Vic's trembling, bleeding lips. The touch is far more careful and sweeter than Henry usually is, especially when he's irritated by Vic's emotional behaviour like right now, but Vic soaks it up like a dry sponge. He needs their love right now.

Reginald lets him go when Henry pulls the blond up and on the bed, not with any intentions but simply the be in a more comfortable position to kiss Vic again, softly licking the blood from his lower lip before leaning back.

"I love you, Vic."

It draws a silent gasp from the blond. He knows Henry loves him, but he rarely says it out loud, especially when they're not alone. Years of constant internalized homophobia due to Butch's parenting are not easy to bypass for the other boy, and Vic treasures every time he expresses his feelings for him like that.

"Me too."

Patrick, clearly feeling left out, chimes in, and grabs Vic's chin less than half as careful as Henry to turn his head and kiss the blond as well. He's rougher than Henry, bites his bottom lip to draw more blood and makes Vic gasp, but that's Hockstetters form of love and he appreciates it just as much.

When Patrick finally breaks the kiss and smirks at him, Vic turns his head to look at Reggie's who sat down on the bed as well. Softly he runs his hand over Reginald's cheek, giving him a small smile, before leaning in to kiss the brunet boy. It's soft, loving, thankful.

"I love you too," he whispers, looking at each one of them. He's still in pain, physically as well as mentally, but he's not alone at least. And that makes it a little easier, a little less painful, a little less hopeless.


End file.
